i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
