shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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