I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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