New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
