Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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