problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
