He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
