His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
