you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize