My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
