Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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