Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
