He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i love accidental penises.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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