Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
