i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
