Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
