i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
