We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize