You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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