genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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