Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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