it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
