Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
