I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
