before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
