so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
