i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I party with great urgency now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
