He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize