The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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