please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
