I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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