I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
