his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
