hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize