you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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