I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
