I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
