She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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