you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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