Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
