saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
