Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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