That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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