I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Barsexuality is the new black.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
