At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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