If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
