the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
