When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
