Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
