I will die if light touches me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
