Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
