dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
40s are totally the cure
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
