They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
