i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
