In the future we'll all be gay
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
