i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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