no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
