there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize