Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize