I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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