I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
