Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
