Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
