To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
