somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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