you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
