Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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