and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
