If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this hospital has no fireball
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
