i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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