just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
