I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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