So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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