ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
