please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
