I looked at my own cervix.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
